The Chinese version is after the English one.
中文版本在英文版本下。
Dear Heavenly Father:
Lord, this is a difficult topic to address. Whenever I think about my neglect and mishandling of my child’s emotional needs, leading them to ferment in hurt and pain, feeling helpless, impacting their growth and development… I find it hard to face. I can feel guilty for forgetting to dress them warmly when the weather turns cold, but I struggle to confront the most important aspects of their lives, unable to properly acknowledge and take responsibility for my negligence. Lord, you know it’s not because I don’t love and care for him/her! Instead, it’s seriously a heavy burden for a parent, and I don’t know how to admit to myself that I have, directly or indirectly, caused my beloved child to endure this emotional pain. Maybe the root causes and developments of the problem are complex, and I myself cannot figure out how much responsibility I should bear in this situation. When I think about this, my heart seems to stop, my mind freezes, unable to rationally and carefully analyse what to do, repeatedly falling back into old, knowingly wrong methods. Lord, if I’ve repeatedly avoided confronting the core issues, shelving them without facing them properly, or even shifting responsibility to someone whom I shouldn’t, I ask for your forgiveness and guidance to lead my heart back on track, teaching me how to face this thing that pains me to the point of numbness.
(Or: I acknowledge that I may not feel compassion for my child due to my heavy and painful history/ I just cannot explain the reason, but it seems that I am not as full of maternal/paternal love as other parents. However, I am grateful for the strength in my soul that compels me to seek you. I know I can find strength from you to overcome the challenges I face.)
I know that God’s Word is my comfort and light. I want to pray to you using Psalm 103. (If you have a Bible with you, feel free to open Psalm 103 and read along with this prayer. The prayer is divided into two parts: the first part uses Psalm 103 to bless yourself, and the second part uses the same scripture to bless your child. If you feel too tired, you can start with the first part and do the second part later after resting.)
Blessing for Parents Themselves
My heart, praise the Lord! My intellect, emotions, spirituality, and will, all praise His holy name! Do not forget His all-encompassing grace! Before you, I often feel like you are about to judge me, forgetting how broad your love is, forgetting that you are waiting to shower me with grace, help me, and give me strength!
You forgive all my sins. Regarding the needs and traumas of my child, whether it was due to negligence, ignorance, misjudgments influenced by the values I received during my own upbringing, or because of traumas I couldn’t overcome myself, turning a blind eye due to helplessness, or things beyond my understanding, or using the wrong methods due to a lack of support, or having a serious illness/emotional illness myself, or ___________________… I know that as long as I surrender these issues to you, confess and pour them out to you, you will forgive and cleanse me, making me as white as snow. The lies in my heart that say I am “not qualified to be a parent,” “shouldn’t have had children in the first place,” or “should distance myself from my child to prevent further harm” are from the evil one, taking advantage of my guilt to disturb me and prevent me from facing the problem. In the name of Jesus Christ, I reject these lies and declare that my child is precious to the Lord, a blessing given by Him, and that the Lord will show grace to me, standing by my side to help me.
I ask you to heal all the damage my heart has suffered behind this event. If my inability to care for my child’s emotional needs is due to the deficiencies in my own original family, or if it’s because of other pressures and issues (such as failures in marriage, work, the hustle and bustle of life), or if physical or mental illness has made me unable to care for myself, Father! I submit my pain in ____________ to you. You are a merciful God, you know my limitations, and you won’t overly demand from me. My burden is heavy; I ask for your help to unload it, making it light and easy for me. Please prepare the resources I need (including people who can accept and guide me), help my heart move in the right direction, to allow healing.
I also ask you to heal the secondary and tertiary harm derived from the conflicts between my negligence and my child’s needs. Perhaps my child is experiencing emotional, behavioural or learning problems as a result, causing further pain in my heart. Sometimes, I may be angry with their behaviour, finding it difficult to control myself, eroding the parent-child relationship, making me want to avoid this issue even more. Father! You know all my difficulties! I believe that as long as I let you intervene, things can transform. Lord, I believe, but my belief is not strong enough; please help me!
Psalm 103 says,
“He redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.”
It also says,
“He satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”
Lord, you will lift my soul out of darkness, even if I have sinned, you will illuminate me, lead me out of darkness, and guide me towards life. This life is not only eternal life after death but starts from the moment I connect with you, sharing your attributes and life. Your attributes are love and compassion, and you adorn me with these loves like a crown set with jewels. You will provide all I need. Even though I am no longer young, I will have the grace of regeneration and the ability to learn again. In places where I used to find life unenjoyable, I can embrace the simplest joys like a child.
You execute justice; you do not blindly support what I do wrong, complimenting me on everything good and right. Holy Spirit, I ask you to help me discern right from wrong, know how to follow your path, and teach me how to raise my child in accordance with your ways.
However,
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbour his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.”
Lord, in times my child needed me (us) to protect, comfort, and care for him/her most yet I (we) failed, and this makes me extremely sad. However, because of your abundant and merciful love, I can still tightly grasp onto your grace in the presence of the holy Lord.
Father! I want to see how high the heavens are from the earth! Your love for me is so great! I want to open my mind, release the tight fist in my heart that is difficult to relax, and accept this immense love! As far as the east is from the west, you have removed my transgressions from me! Inside and around me, there will be a voice guiding me on the path, ensuring that when I meet you face to face, I will not be ashamed.
As a compassionate father pities his children, so the Lord my God pities me. Father! Perhaps my parents had many shortcomings, perhaps there was a lack of love in my upbringing, and I do not know how to love my child. However, Lord, I ask you to let me experience your love immensely, let me be filled with your love, let me receive your mercy deeply, and help me understand the true meaning of love. You love me not because I do many good things or achieve great things that glorify you. Instead, you see through my true self, knowing my weaknesses, understanding my limitations, even my ugliness, but you always remember this small and insignificant me—Even if I cannot love my child with the same love, you still love me this way.
Those who do not know the Lord and cannot accept God’s grace do not have assurance for the well-being of their descendants. However, in the name of the Lord, I declare that the mercy of the Lord is for those who fear Him, from everlasting to everlasting; His righteousness is for my children and their descendants. I ask You to make me a blessing to my descendants, guide them to know You, lead them to keep your covenant, remember Your teachings, and follow them, so that they too, in your name, can receive Your great love and grace.
My heart, praise the Lord! My intellect, emotions, spirituality, and will, all praise His holy name! Please grant me enough patience, to wait for Your work, to allow myself to learn and progress, and to give time and compassion for my child to be healed and grow.
In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray, Amen.
After completing this prayer, it is recommended to use the Prayer for the Neglect of Child’s Emotional Needs (Part 2) to pray for your wounded child. This website will provide various prayers for children’s traumas in the future, such as neglect, lack of companionship, developmental issues caused by poor discipline, broken families, physical violence, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, peer bullying, favoritism, and stress from excessive emphasis on academic achievement, etc. Please stay tuned.
Photo credit: Raymond Wong
為曾忽略子女心靈需要禱告(上)
親愛的天父：
主，這是一個很難開口的話題。因為每當我想到自己的疏忽，對孩子的心靈需要處理不當，而導致他/她在傷害和痛苦裡發酵、無助、影響成長發展…… 我覺得難以面對。我可以為天氣轉涼而忘了給他/她添衣服而內疚，但我卻難以進入那些對他/她生命最重要的話題，甚至無法好好正確地為自己的疏忽而承認責任。主啊，祢知道，這並不是因為我不愛錫他/她、不關注他/她的成長！反而，這件事對一個父親/母親而言，是太重的鞭笞，我實在不知道如何承認自己，在這些日子以來，竟然曾直接或間接地，導致了我所愛的孩子承受這些心靈痛苦。而且，問題的成因和發展很複雜，我自己也弄不清楚，到底自己在事件中有多大的責任。一想到這些，我的心臟就彷彿停頓了、腦袋就卡住了，無法理性、仔細地分析該怎樣做，就不住的走回舊的、明知是錯的方法。主啊，若然我曾一再逃避，把核心問題擱置，沒有好好正視，甚或推卸責任，求祢赦免我，並引導我的心走回正軌，教我如何面對這令我痛到除了自我麻痺便沒法面對的事情。
(或：我的確感受不到對孩子的憐憫，背後是因為很沉重的故事/ 我自己也說不出原因，總之我看來，並不像別的母親那般充滿母愛/ 父愛。然而我為自己心靈裡仍有力量驅使我尋求祢而感恩，我知道我可以從祢裡面得到力量，可以突破我所身處的困境。)
我知道，上帝的話語是我的安慰、我的亮光。我要用詩篇103篇來向祢禱告。
(如你手上有聖經，歡迎你打開詩篇103篇，與本禱文並讀。禱文一共有兩篇，上篇是用詩篇103篇祝福自己，下篇是用同一篇經文祝福你的孩子。如你感到太疲累，可先做上篇，休息好了再做下篇。)
祝福父/母親自己
我的心哪，你要稱頌耶和華！我的理智、我的情感、我的靈性、我的意志，都要稱頌祂的聖名！不可忘記祂的一切恩惠！在祢面前，我「自動」覺得祢是要審判我的，常常忘記祢的慈愛寬廣，忘記祢正在等候施恩予我、幫助我、給我力量！
祢赦免我一切的罪。對於孩子的需要和創傷，不論我曾因疏忽，或者無知，或者受我過往成長時所接收的價值觀影響而錯判，或者因為我自己未能跨越的創傷而無法面對，或者因為感到無助、不知所措而視若無睹，或者因為事情超出我理解範圍，或者因為實在缺乏支援而用錯方法，或者我本身就有重病/情緒病在身而無能為力，或者___________________…… 我知道，只要我把這些問題交出在祢手，向祢承試和傾吐，祢就會寬宥我、潔淨我，使我如雪潔白。我內心那些說我「沒資格為人父母」、「根本一開始不應該把孩子生下來」、「不如從此和孩子拉遠距離，大家才不會再傷害對方」等等的謊言，是出於那惡者，乘著我內疚的破口來擾亂我，使我無法正視問題。奉耶穌基督的名，我拒絕這些謊言，宣告我的孩子是主所看重的、也是主給我的祝福，並且主施恩予我、站在我身邊幫助我。
求祢醫治我內心一切在這事件背後所承受的傷害。若然我是因為自身原生家庭的缺失，而致使我無法照顧孩子的心靈需要，或者是因為其他方面的壓力和傷害(例如婚姻裡、工作上的挫敗、為生活奔波勞碌等)，或身心的疾病令我自顧不暇，父啊！我把自己在____________的痛苦交上給祢。祢是滿有憐憫的神，祢知道我的有限，祢不會過度地向我苛索。我的擔子很重，求祢幫助我，把重擔卸給祢，使我輕省有力。求祢為我預備我所需要的資源(包括能接納和引導我的人)，幫助我的心靈能往正確的方向前進，並得以痊癒。
我又求祢醫治在這次事件中，孩子受傷害而未得到好好照料，而衍生出來的二度、三度傷害。或許孩子因而出現了情緒問題、學習問題，令我心裡非常痛楚，有時也會為他/她的行為而憤怒，難以自制，進而磨蝕親子關係，令我更想對這問題敬而遠之。父啊！祢知道我的一切難處！我相信只要放手讓祢介入，事情就可以轉化。主啊，我信，但我信得不夠，求祢幫助！
詩篇說：
「祂救贖你的命脫離死亡，以仁愛和慈悲為你的冠冕。」
又說：
「祂用美物使你所願的得以知足，以致你如鷹返老還童。」
主啊，祢必使我的心靈離開黑暗，即或我有過犯，祢也必光照我，使我脫離黑暗，還要走向生命。這生命不是到死後才有永生，而是從我與祢連結的一刻開始，我便分享了祢的屬性和生命。祢的屬性就是仁愛和慈悲，祢把這些愛，如鑲了寶石的冠冕一樣戴在我頭上。祢必賜我一切所需，縱使我已經不再年青，但我必有再生的恩典，並有重新學習的能力；在以前我覺得生無可樂的地方，我可以如孩童般擁抱最單純的快樂。
祢施行公義，祢並不盲目支持我所做錯的，把我說成什麼都好、什麼都對。聖靈啊，求祢在我裡面，讓我明辨是非，知道祢的道路應當如何，使我曉得怎樣本著祢的道，養育我的孩子。
然而，
「耶和華有憐憫，有恩典，不輕易發怒，且有豐盛的慈愛。祂不長久責備，也不永遠懷怒。祂沒有按我們的罪過待我們，也沒有照我們的罪孽報應我們。」
主啊，孩子在最需要我(們)保護、安撫和悉心照顧的時候，我(們)失效了，這令我極其難過。然而，因著祢的寬厚慈愛，在聖潔的主面前，我仍可緊緊抓住祢的恩典。
父啊！我要觀看，天離地何等的高！祢對我的慈愛也是何等的大！我要打開我的心靈，張開我心裡面緊握著、難以放鬆的拳頭，去接受這份巨大的愛！東離西有多遠，祢叫我的過犯離我也有多遠！在我心裡、在我四周，必有聲音引導我當走的路，致使我將來見祢面的時候，不致羞愧。
慈愛的父親怎樣憐恤他的兒女，耶和華我的神也怎樣憐恤我。父啊！或許我的父母有諸多的不善不美，也許在我成長中根本缺乏足夠的愛，我也不懂得怎樣愛我的孩子。然而，主啊，求祢讓我厚厚經歷祢的愛，讓我被祢的愛所充滿，讓我深深蒙祢憐恤，使我明白愛的真諦。祢愛我，不是因為我做得多好，做幾多能榮耀祢的偉大事情。祢倒是看穿我的本相，知道我的軟弱，明白我的限制，甚至醜陋，但祢常常顧念這如塵土般渺小的我——即或我未能以同等的愛去愛我的孩子，祢仍是如此愛我。
不認識主、未能接納上帝恩典的人，他們對後代的福祉沒有把握。然而，在上主的名下我要宣告，耶和華的慈愛歸於敬畏祂的人，從亙古到永遠；祢的公義也歸於我的子子孫孫。求祢讓我成為我子孫的祝福，求祢叫他們也認識你，引導他們遵守祢的約，記念祢的教導而遵行，好使他們也在祢的名下，得著祢的大愛和大恩。
我的心哪，你要稱頌耶和華！我的理智、我的情感、我的靈性、我的意志，都要稱頌祂的聖名！求祢賜我足夠的忍耐，去等候祢的工作，給予空間讓我自己學習和進步，也給予時間和愛心，去扶持我的孩子。
以上禱告，奉主耶穌基督得勝名字而求。阿們。
完成以上祈禱後，建議使用為曾忽略子女心靈需要禱告(下)，為你受傷害的孩子禱告。未來本網站將會提供為孩子各種創傷禱告的禱文，如：疏忽照顧、缺乏陪伴、管教不善造成的發展問題、破碎家庭、肢體暴力、言語暴力、性暴力、朋輩霸凌、偏心、過度重視學業成就構成的壓力等等，敬請密切留意。
照片提供：Raymond Wong