The Chinese version is after the English one.
中文版本在英文版本下。
My God, my God! The immense and enduring suffering makes me feel that life is unbearable. I struggle, but I cannot break free. I feel like I’ve been thrown into an endless sea of boundless agony, as if I can only swim with all my might, yet it seems that even with all my effort, I won’t have a chance to reach the shores of peace. I’m inclined to consider ending it earlier, escaping this despair. Or, I feel like I’ve been cast into quicksand, overwhelmed by shock, excruciating pain, fear, shame, resentment, anxiety, emptiness… it devours me bit by bit, and I have no solid ground to stand on. I can only watch myself sink passively, feeling as if I’m choking, about to be buried in eternal darkness by relentless quicksand.
Lord, in my heart, I’m also very afraid that I might actually take action to end myself, but I don’t have the strength to withstand this immense pain. I feel as though I’m torn apart by vicious beasts in the wilderness.
All the profound theological concepts have no meaning to me at this moment.
However, I want to loudly proclaim these words:
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword… Yet, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35, 37-39)
I’m weak, but He embraces; I’m powerless, but He has. I choose Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour with the highest freedom of will I have as a human. I know that when I make this choice, God’s light will shine into my heart, and His love will rescue me. When trauma tells me, “My life is only pain, struggling is in vain, it’s better to die,” I will say, “Yes, struggling is in vain, but I want to, in the name of the Lord, give up struggling by my own strength and accept the helplessness of my present pain. However, I know that no matter who has caused these sufferings, whether in the past, present, or future, they cannot take away my freedom to choose to be received, protected, and healed by the Lord.”
Lord, help me release the clenched fists that struggle, and open my hands to receive the grace that comes from You.
Please prepare someone who can understand me and accompany me, to accept me as I am now filled with negative thoughts and being low, willing to listen to my pain in this moment of weakness.
May Your peace descend into my heart. When pain overwhelms me and suffocates me, calm the storm within me, call me back with Your gentle voice, and shelter me under Your wings.
Please provide for my daily needs, grant me time and space for emotional release.
Heal my wounds, make me whole.
Grant me peaceful sleep (even if it’s more than usual, you need the extra rest). Sometimes, the images in my dreams feel so real, and they can cause me to fall into fear or sadness. Lord, be with me, carry my fears and sorrows, and teach me to process the messages in my dreams and help me care for myself.
Give me faith to know your faithfulness, to experience living in your Kingdom where every morning is new.
Please make a way for me through my difficulties _________. There is nothing too difficult for You, and You can make rivers in the desert.
Strengthen me to endure these tremors, and to patiently wait for Your timing in all of this.
Thank you, for Your love is stronger and more enduring than all the pain. In Your hands, I will find hope.
I pray in the precious name of our Lord Jesus. Amen.
Photo credit: Raymond Wong
Story behind the photo:
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonged to him and the other to the Lord.
When the last of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. ” Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me. “
Teh Lord replied, ” My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you during your times of trial and suffering, when you see one set of footprints it was then that I carried you.”
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為難以承受創痛而想死的意念祈禱
我的神！我的神！巨大而長久的痛苦令我痛不欲生，我努力掙扎，但無法掙脫。我像被扔在無邊的大海，在沒有邊際的苦楚中，彷彿只能永遠竭力而游，卻好像即使窮盡所有的力氣，都沒有機會看到平安的彼岸，令我覺得我想早一點了結，離開這絕望的境地。我又或像被丟在浮沙，震驚、劇痛、恐懼、羞辱、憤恨、焦慮、空虛……一步一步吞噬著我，我卻完全沒有可以立腳的地方，只能被動地看著自己下沉，我感到好像快要窒息、快要被給無孔不入的流沙埋葬於永遠的黑暗之中。
主，其實在我心裡，也十分害怕我會真的行動，了結自己，但我沒有力量與這巨大的痛苦抗衡。我好像在蠻荒世界裡，給各種兇惡的野獸撕咬成一段段。
所有高深的神學概念，此刻於我而言，都已經沒有意義。
然而，我要高聲朗讀這一段話語：
「誰能使我們與基督的愛隔絕呢？難道是患難嗎？是困苦嗎？是逼迫嗎？是飢餓嗎？是赤身露體嗎？是危險嗎？是刀劍嗎？…然而，靠著愛我們的主，在這一切的事上已經得勝有餘了。
「因為我深信無論是死、是生，是天使，是掌權的，是有能的，是現在的事、是將來的事，是高處的，是低處的，是別的受造之物，都不能叫我們與神的愛隔絕；這愛是在我們的主基督耶穌裡的。」(羅馬書8章35，37-39節)
我軟弱，祂擁抱；我未能，祂可以。我要以我生而為人最高的自由意志，選擇耶穌基督作我個人救主。我知道，當我作出這個抉擇，上帝的光要照射進我的心裡，祂的愛要把我救拔出來。當創傷告訴我：「我的人生只餘下痛苦，扎掙亦無用，不如死去。」我要說：「是的，掙扎無用，但我要因著主的名，放棄靠自己的力量掙扎，我且接受當下痛苦無力的助態。只是，我知道這些苦難，不論過去的、現在的、將來的、是誰加在我身上的，都不能奪去我心中要選擇被上主收納、保護和醫治的自由。」
主，求祢幫助我鬆開那掙扎著、緊握著的拳頭，向祢張開雙手，使我能領受從祢而來的恩典。
求祢為我預備可以明白我、陪伴我的人，接納此刻的我就是如此無力、負面、低沉，願意聆聽我的痛苦。
求祢的平安降臨在我的心中，當痛苦來襲，把我重重困住，透不過氣來的時候，求祢平靜我的風浪，以祢慈聲把我喚回，把我藏在祢的翅膀下。
求祢為我預備日常生活一切所需，給我時間和空間，容讓內心的情緒得以疏導。
求祢醫治我，裹纏我的傷口，使我健康。
求祢賜我安穩的睡眠 (即使睡眠比正常多也不用害怕，你是需要比平時更多休息的)。有時在夢裡發生的影像，好像很真實，會使我跌落驚恐或悲傷之中。主，求祢與我同在，承載我的恐懼和悲傷，並教導我疏理夢裡的訊息，幫助我關心自己。
求祢賜我信心，讓我曉得祢的信實，讓我體會活在祢的國度裡，每一個早晨都是新的。
求祢為我的困境___________ 開路，在祢沒有難成的事，祢會在沙漠開江河。
求祢加我力量，使我在這些震盪中，能格外忍耐，能靜候祢更新這一切的時間。
多謝祢，因為祢的愛比一切的痛苦更要穩固和堅強。在祢手中我必有盼望。
禱告奉主耶穌寶貴聖名而求。阿們。
Photo credict: Raymond Wong
照片背後：足印的故事
有一個人夢見和耶穌在沙灘上走，回顧生平，看見沙灘上留下兩行足印 ── 主耶穌一直與他同走人生之旅。但他發現，在他最艱難，最痛苦，最軟弱時，沙上只留下一雙足跡。他不禁怏然問主耶穌：「主呀，為什麼在我最艱難痛苦的歲月裡，你竟離我而去？」主耶穌回答說：「親愛的孩子，你看見的那一行足印是我的。因為在你最痛苦軟弱時，是我背起你走。」